And He accepted. And all this week a single thought ran through my head: What was I thinking? To clarify the events of this week, let me give you a brief history. Whenever I get depressed, or if things aren't going right at all, I tend to drink a crap-ton, accompanied by some other naughty things I can't really elaborate on at this time. I always got the feeling that God wasn't too happy with the life I was living. One day I would be praising his name and asking Him to help me, and the next, after something goes wrong, I would buy a 5th of ::insert alcohol of choice here:: and it would be gone in like a day and a half. Then after the 5th is gone, I'd feel bad and ask God for forgiveness, and when the next thing goes wrong, the cycle begins again. I finally decided on Monday that enough was enough. I told God that this is it. Throw whatever you have at me, and I will prove to you that I can be strong, and that I will turn to you above all else. Here is just a little example of what exactly he threw at me, and keep in mind that these sorts of things were always thrown at me, but just never in the SAME WEEK!!!
1. The boss that I liked turned out to be having an affair with one of my co-workers, that no one is supposed to know about, and I have to live with that knowledge. Every time I see them at work, I just can't help but to think about it.
2. My "very responsible boss" neglected to update my status when I started getting more hours, so I don't get all of my holiday pay.
3. I just spent $325 on my car. Bye bye, stimulus check (I told people this happens every year. Tax refund comes, and it goes right to the car).
4. My student loan for this term is $3500. Thing is, I'm only taking ONE CLASS!!!
5. I got denied for an apartment because I don't make enough money.
6. I was reminded of my "single" status over and over and over.
7. My computer died (blue screen of death).
8. The exams from the entire class weren't that good (but the teacher even said that she made it way too hard).
9. I had a horrible day at work on Thursday because it was my first time doing their little proposed schedule, and I didn't know what I was doing.
That's all I can think of right now, but that's a lot!!
My friend, Katie, had some really good advice for me. She said that there are people out there who are in worse situations than I am. She is working on becoming a nurse, and she says that she has to watch people who are dying in agony practically everyday. What about what those people are going through? I agreed with her. But what kinds lives did they live? Were they happy? This is my life, and I have to deal with it. I'm not saying that I'm better than anyone else, but this is a lot to deal with, especially when you try and do it alone (ie. the 5th). I have my friends, I have my family, but in the end it's up to me trusting in myself, and trusting in God...
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My words of wisdom: with or without a significant other, there are still a million issues that could make you run for that fifth (right now i could use one too)...but in the end, it's how you handle those battles. Oh, and if you tell God to throw it all at you....he will. :p But just think, sunday is our party woohoo!
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